Kesshin Resolve
by Yuki Fuyumi
Summary: [challenge-fic set after vol. 18] What happens when Kamui bumps into Subaru, after not having seen him for months?


**Kesshin - Resolve**   
  
_A/N_: Well, then. Err. It's been so long since I wrote any fanfiction, I've forgotten what to write in the a/n's... -_-;; Um, well, for starters, let's point out that 1) this is my first X fic ever, and 2) this was a challenge issued by a friend of mine. I was the only one of the four of us who were challenged, who ended up writing it. I don't know if that's good or bad, though... Err...   
Then, I guess I should say that the title for this, _Kesshin_, is written with two characters; _ketsu_ which roughly means to decide, resolve, and _shin_ (kokoro) which means heart. Together, they mean something along the lines of "making up your mind", and I thought it fit well. Also, since the kanji for heart is used, I figured it would be a good title. Although I'm not so sure it will make any sense to anyone but me... -_-;;   
Oh, yeah, and "the guardian of the cherry blossom burial mound" was what Hinoto called the Sakurazukamori in X/1999 (the English version), if I remember everything correctly... And besides, that's pretty much what the kanji mean, anyway... -_-;;   
And finally, I want to point out that for those of you who haven't read anything else I've written before, English isn't my native language. I'm pretty sure that the spelling is okay, though, since I've used the spellcheck and stuff (although it seems I can never escape the spelling demons...), but when it comes to grammar... If you're a native speaker, and you notice something that really annoys the h-ll out of you, let me know and I'll fix it. ^^;; ...I'm too impatient to have a beta reader, so... m(__)m;;   
  
_Warnings_: Well, if you haven't read X 18, and all the volumes before it - especially X 16 and the end of X 17, expect major spoilers on Seishirou's wish, and also what happens to Subaru after the fight on Rainbow Bridge and once he (err, is this a spoiler? -_-;; ) disappears... *deep sigh* It's so saaaaaad...! T_T If you've only seen the anime and/or are reading the English version of the manga, there will be spoilers! -_-;; If you don't care, want to be spoiled, or have read all the way, please go on and read! And don't say I didn't warn you... ^^;;   
And hopefully, the characters aren't too OOC; I've let some friends of mine read it through and we've tried to work those things out, so hopefully it's more or less IC. ...Hopefully.   
  
_italics_ means thoughts   
  
_Acknowledgements_: Of course to [who wanted to be anonymous] for issuing the challenge and getting me out of my writer's block, if only for a little while. ~.~   
To **Ize** who has seen the light that is X, and more exactly, Subaru. *heh heh* ^_~   
And then, to **Anji** who jokingly suggested I call this "'Kamui and Subaru bump into each other and talk dirty...stuff...' or not..." which is at least halfway true. ^_~   
And also to **My**, who humored me and read it. ^_^   
And of course, to **Omichan**, as usual. Just because. ^___^   
  
_Disclaimer_: If I owned X, I probably wouldn't have to try and survive on a student loan, so... All I have to offer you, really, is, um...nothing? -___-;;   
  
**_Kesshin - Resolve_**   
  
He needed to think. The past few days had been eventful, to say the least, but that wasn't what bothered him. It was the strange feeling of knowing that soon, it would be over. Everything he had survived through would soon be over. He wasn't sure where that certainty came from, but after seeing and talking to the soap girl earlier that day, the feeling had snuck upon him.     But where could he go? The campus grounds felt safe, but he didn't feel quite comfortable brooding where he knew that people who worried about him might show up. So he took off, not telling anyone that he was leaving, and headed towards the nearest subway station.     The garden park in Shinjuku was appealing because of the fact that it was closed at night. He could be sure that no one would come stumbling upon him there. But at the same time, going into a place that had an entrance fee without paying it made him feel as if he would be trespassing, so he gave up on that option. The Asakusa temple was also nice, he thought, considering it for all of two seconds before the logical part of his brain pointed out to him that people would be passing through on their way home. Even though it was dark out, it was still two three hours before the last train.     Where he stood by the ticket automats, he gazed up at the map over the stations. Riding the subway was something he hadn't done in a long time, and it felt like something nicely normal to do for a change. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out some small change. 671 yen, he counted quickly. Well, with that he could go pretty much anywhere. Yoyogi park, maybe? But it was Saturday, so there would probably be people there. And he didn't want to deal with overly refreshed teenagers.     Looking up at the map again, he settled for Ueno Station, even though he would have to change trains a couple of times. The park was only a few minutes' walk from there, if he went out the JR exit, and there was always some secluded part of the vast Ueno Park where there wouldn't be people; not even the homeless would venture into some of the parts after dark. Ueno Park it was.     This goal firmly in mind, he pushed a few hundred yen into the automat and bought a ticket, putting the spare change back into his pocket. With the decision made, the earlier feelings of uneasiness returned. Taking the stairs down to the platform, he mentally talked himself into thinking of something else. The salary man checking his watch before looking towards the tunnel from which the subway train would soon arrive. The two girls standing dangerously close to the yellow line, chatting about some band playing in Harajuku the coming week. Two elder ladies with book bags, probably on their way home. All of them perfect examples of the ordinary people he had to save. People who didn't know about the end of the world. People who had been affected by the earthquakes he should have been able to hinder. People who might have lost someone because he hadn't been able to stop the breaking of the kekkai all around Tokyo.     Somewhere during his train of thought, he had stepped onto the subway car, and was standing by one of the doors, watching his own reflection in the glass. Sometimes it was hard not to hate oneself.     "The next station is Ueno, Ueno. The doors will open on the left. Please make sure not to leave any personal belongings behind. Thank you."     The voice in the speakers brought him out of his quickly darkening thoughts, and he took a step away from the doors, waiting patiently for them to slide open.     Being late summer, almost fall, it was still humid outside the large Ueno Station. Stopping at a nearby AM-PM, he used up another 105 yen on an onigiri, knowing that he would need something to occupy himself with while searching for a place to sit down in peace. Climbing the long way up to the museums, he fiddled with the plastic wrapping of the onigiri. There was something about the park that made him feel irritatingly nostalgic, yet uncomfortably nervy. He wondered where he should go. To be honest, he had never really spent a whole lot of time in the Ueno Park before, and just barely knew where things were located, where the museums ended, where the zoo was, where the tree-alleys were. In elementary school he had gone to one of the museums with his class, but that was about as much time as he had spent in the park.     He kept walking, past the large, dark buildings that looked almost haunted where they were illuminated only by the faint park lighting. Hmm, perhaps he should take a right here. Turning, he shoved his right hand into his pocket, his left turning the rice ball over and over.     Well, there had been that one time when Saya had taken him along to the zoo one Sunday, together with the two siblings. A smile crept upon his lips as he remembered how excited Kotori had been on the subway as her mother had told her about all the different animals they would see. Walking past a short line of vending machines, he remembered how Saya had bought them ice cream and how he had stumbled and almost dropped his, being the clumsy child he had been. And they had all ended up laughing. Fuuma had laughed, too.     The memory of Fuuma stopped him dead in his tracks. He found himself shiver involuntarily. Fuuma had killed Kotori. Fuuma had caused so many people to die, to become homeless. Fuuma had helped cause the earthquakes that had killed Keiichi's parents. Fuuma had given him those twin scars on his hands. Fuuma didn't laugh like that anymore. Fuuma had changed.     _I'll bring him back,_ he reassured himself. _I'll bring him back and he'll laugh like that again. _Looking down at the onigiri in his hand, he tried to ignore the ugly scar stretching across his palm, forcing his resolve to build. He couldn't wilt like a dead flower now; he didn't have the time to. There was too much for him to do. _I'll bring him back, and then… _What then? Pulling his hand out of his pocket, he began to unwrap the snack, now walking, somehow suddenly knowing where to go. _And then we'll find Subaru._   
  
The grand cherry tree stood tall and blooming, the way it seemed to always do. He hadn't even realized it was where he had been going. But there he was, and there the tree was, almost as if it knew he would come. But he shook off that thought; he knew the tree was sentient, it had to be considering what little he had heard about it from Subaru, but he refused to believe that it had been expecting him to come.     Moving slowly, he walked closer, looking at the tiny flowers. Instead of the soft pink he had expected, they were a sickly pale color, bordering on snowy white. Laying a hand against the enormous trunk, he sighed.     Gazing up through the branches, he thought of the Sakurazukamori. Truth be told, he didn't really know a whole lot about the Sakurazukamori — the keeper of the cherry blossom burial mound — and had never heard of such a thing before they had encountered that illusion in the hidden room Hinoto stayed in. The only time he had ever really met the man had been shortly after that, and he hadn't really taken the time to reflect over it too much. Subaru had mentioned the concept of the Sakurazukamori briefly a couple of times, though. But since the older man had seemed reluctant to talk about it, he hadn't pushed for answers. The whole concept of the Sakurazukamori did have something to do with why Subaru had left, though, that he was sure of. The tree rustled its branches, as if it agreed with him. Somewhere deep down he knew why he had come here, to Ueno Park and the cherry tree. It wasn't because of the memories of Fuuma and Kotori and how Saya had taken pity on him, taking him along to do typical family things, but because…     He missed Subaru. He missed the silent, mutual understanding that had been there between them. He missed having someone to talk to, someone who only needed to hear one word, and would understand what he was feeling. And the cherry tree was the only clue he had as to where he might find the yin-yang master. He didn't really want to think that he had come to care about the other Seals in the same way. Well, he supposed he cared about the others as well, but it was more a feeling of being responsible for them, rather than being their friend. In a sense he _was_ responsible for them, he mused as he moved away from the tree, quietly heading for a nearby bench from which he would still be able to see the tree well. It was only a couple of dozen feet away as he slumped down onto the wooden piece of furniture. Even though no one had outright said so, they were all counting on him to more or less save the world, and that responsibility weighed heavy on him.     He turned his head suddenly. There was someone there. But who would be in such a remote place this late at night? He had to admit that the tree truly was rather intimidating in this scarcely illuminated part of the park, and now that, as far as he knew, there wasn't a Sakurazukamori who would pay the tree visits, he couldn't think of anyone who would want to stay near the tree at this hour. Squeezing the onigiri between his hands, he looked to his left, then his right. Even though he couldn't see anyone, he was definitely sure that there was someone there. His instincts had worked with him thus far, why would they betray him now?     Feeling uneasy and fiddling with the rice snack in his hands, he unconsciously folded the sheet of seaweed away from the rice and broke off a small chunk, absentmindedly putting it in his mouth. Chewing softly, he let his eyes sweep across the area once more, straining his vision to be able to see better into the darkness just beyond the giant cherry tree. He was so sure that there was someone there, so why couldn't he…     Suddenly, the tree began to glow softly. Too surprised to do anything but look, he watched, mesmerized, as the pale petals turned a soft shade of pink before the glow slowly died down. In the silence that followed, he could hear his own breath uncomfortably loud in his ears, his heart pounding with anticipation. His fingers moved on their own in a nervous gesture, picking lone rice corns from the onigiri and dropping them to the ground.     For a second he considered asking if there was someone there, but then reconsidered. If someone really was there, and he was beginning to believe that this had to be the case, they either didn't want him to notice, or they didn't know that he was sitting there. Picking at the onigiri, his fingers moving a bit more quickly at their task, he wondered what he should do.     The sound of a lighter broke the silence. He realized that he was holding his breath, waiting for whoever was there to either show themselves or leave. Not even seconds later, he could see a tiny dot of orange light just to the left of the tree's enormous trunk. Not really sure what to expect, he kept holding his breath, waiting anxiously to see whether the other person would come out into the park lighting or not.     There was a slight rustling among the branches of the tree, a few petals falling slowly to the ground, giving him an ill sense of foreboding. His fingers kept at their task still, though they were slowing down now as he didn't know if he dared breathe or not.     When the other person first stepped into view, all he could concentrate on was the hand dipped in red, holding the softly glowing cigarette. Then his vision zoomed out, taking in the black sleeve, the dark coat flowing along its wearer's body, the pale, solemn face.     "S… Subaru…" he breathed, letting out the air he had been holding in. But it couldn't be Subaru, his brain told him. He couldn't just sit down and think about a person and then have that person appear seemingly out of nowhere. Besides, his brain continued, Subaru had lost his right eye. Even though the illumination wasn't the best it was enough to help him see that the other person, whoever he really was, didn't seem to be missing either, seeing how dark both eyes were. And, his thoughts reasoned for him, Subaru wouldn't be walking around in the dark, in some remote part of the vast Ueno Park, one hand drenched in what he could now see was probably blood. He wouldn't. Why would he?     The fabric of the dark coat rustled softly as the man moved slowly towards the bench. His fingers' nervous task of picking rice corns from the onigiri increased in speed again as each step brought the man closer, slowly closing the distance between them. When he was a mere few steps away, a shaking whisper broke the almost-silence.     "Subaru? …it's you, isn't it?" It was hard to doubt it, now that the other was so very close.     "Yes. It is I, Kamui." He crossed the rest of the distance and quietly sat down to Kamui's right, lifting the cigarette to his lips for another drag, not saying anything else.     They sat quiet, neither seeming to have anything to say. Subaru continued to smoke in silence, while Kamui picked nervously at the now ruined onigiri. He found it hard to come up with something to say as he frowned down at what was left of the snack. His eyes traveled thoughtfully over the twin scars on his hands, still not being used to seeing them there.     "Smoking is bad for you."     "You've said that before."     Kamui studied the last few chunks of rice in the seaweed, fiddling with the edges of the dark green sheet. He had spent a lot of time during those long sleepless nights of his thinking of what he would say when he met the onmyouji again, but now the feeling that none of those things were appropriate crept upon him. Somehow, he had wished that nothing would have changed between them, but now he realized that it had been stupid of him to think something like that. _People change,_ he told himself,_ no matter if you want them to or not. _He had known all along that it had been stupid, but hadn't wanted to admit it to himself. Not until now. It was hard not to realize it, as he sat there completely at a loss for what to say.     He glanced at Subaru, taking in the familiar profile, then letting his gaze slide over the other man's body where he sat leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Kamui couldn't help but find himself staring at Subaru's left hand, the now dried liquid on it having dyed it a shade of rusty red. He kept watching out of the corner of his eye as the older man dropped the last of the cigarette to the ground and put it out with the heel of his boot. With something vaguely resembling a sigh, he closed his eyes and heaved himself up to standing. Kamui squashed the last of the onigiri and looked up at the onmyouji, not caring if he let his head follow his eyes now, watching him take a step forward. And then another.     _He's walking away! _thought to himself, feeling something uneasy well up in the pit of his stomach. _He's walking away! He's walking away! He's walking aw—_     "Wait!"     Without realizing it, he had stood up and was squeezing the remains of the onigiri in his right hand, his left one held out in front of him. Subaru stopped, just barely looking over his right shoulder. His right eye, Kamui realized suddenly with a mental start, wasn't the milky white he had expected it to be, but rather the dim light in the park made it shimmer in a warm tone of amber. Kamui knew he recognized the color from somewhere, but couldn't really place it.     They stood silent for what seemed to be hours to Kamui as he tried to figure out what to say, and why Subaru didn't say anything. And why wasn't his right eye still blind and why was it a color so different from his original eye color?     "W-where are you going?" Kamui stuttered out as he realized that as he had been standing quiet, the other must have been waiting for him to speak.     "Home. To sleep."     "But… But I…"     "You didn't seem to want to say anything," the onmyouji said, his voice unnervingly even.     Kamui blinked. He didn't seem to want…? "So you're just leaving?"     "There really is no point in staying here, is there?" was the flat reply as he turned his head and began to walk again.     The teen stood still, mentally kicking himself for not managing to get his legs to work. There he was, with Subaru right there; the person he had wanted to find, to meet for months, and he couldn't think of a single thing to say. As the Sumeragi neared the ominously large cherry tree, Kamui found his mouth working, trying to get something out. Before he knew it, stuttered words came sputtering out.     "I've been worried about you for months and you're just leaving? You could at least tell me how you've been doing or something. It's called good manners, you know. You kind of give the impression of having something like that." He fell silent, not really sure whether he had said anything aloud or if it had only been in his head. No matter which case was true, at least the older man had stopped. He was gazing up at the tree as if it held some sort of answer to whatever he might have been wondering.     "What does it matter how I've been?"     Kamui studied Subaru's back. His shoulders seemed to be pulled up just a little, but with all the black he was wearing, it was hard to see if they really were, as it was hard to separate him from the darkness of the park in general. The few lanterns scattered about the park really did nothing to help.     "We've been worried. You just disappeared," he said quietly. Kamui found himself thinking that maybe he should have bought two onigiri so that he would have had something to start out a conversation with. He liked to think that the Sumeragi was too polite to not accept something as trivial as a rice ball if he was offered one. Now, though, he really didn't have anything that he knew would keep Subaru there.     "I've done my part. There was no reason for me to stay."     The teen wished he was able to see the onmyouji's face. If he could, then maybe he would be able to think a bit more on what to say, rather than just standing there. "I thought we were friends," he said, looking down. "I thought you would stay until all of this was over." A pause, and then, "Do you miss him? Is that why you left?"     Subaru still didn't turn around, but he did lower his head. "It doesn't matter if I miss him or not. He's dead. No matter how much I miss him, he's not coming back."     "But your wish—"     "It doesn't matter. It won't come true now. It can't."     "Why not? How can you be so sure?"     Finally, he turned around, the fabric of his coat rustling as he did so. He studied Kamui for a moment before he lifted his left hand and studied it, his eyebrows creased in a somewhat sad frown. "Because the only person who could make it come true is dead."     Blinking, Kamui took a careful step forward, afraid that the other man would leave if he came too close too quickly, as if he was dealing with a wild animal. "Your right eye," he said, swallowing, "it's not blind anymore."     Subaru reached up with one hand to touch his right cheekbone gently, as if he wasn't even conscious of his movement. "It was the least I could do," he said slowly, his hand dropping back to his side. "For killing him, it was the least I could do. To make his wish come true."     Kamui took another step forward, his gaze constantly darting to the onmyouji's left hand. The dried blood on it seemed to form a glove that matched the black one on his other hand. He wanted to ask about that, too, but decided to take it one step at a time, just do one thing at a time.     "What was his wish? For you not to be half-blind?" he tried carefully, taking another few steps towards Subaru. The other man's eyes focused on him suddenly, and Kamui felt himself shiver involuntarily as some petals fell from the tree as if in warning.     "His wish is none of your business," Subaru hissed, causing Kamui to take a step back again.     "But I —" he stuttered out, but the medium interrupted him.     "My life, his life, our wishes, none of it was ever your business!" Then he seemed to calm down a bit as he reached inside his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Putting one of the white sticks to his lips and lighting it, he added, "So be the nice guy that you are and go back to CLAMP campus and go to bed." He exhaled a cloud of smoke and, tucking the pack back into his pocket, he turned away.     The teen stood silent for several long minutes and just stared at the older man. He expected Subaru to walk away, but when he didn't, Kamui walked closer, slowly, noticing somewhat uncomfortably that the hand that held the cigarette was shaking slightly.     "Are you trying to save me from knowing something?" he asked quietly, walking closer still. "If that's it, then don't bother. I don't care. I'd rather you just told me." He took another step to stand to Subaru's right, trying to discreetly glance up at him, studying his right eye. Now that he had, at least to some point, gotten over the shock of seeing a brown eye rather than a greenish gray one, he wondered if perhaps there had been some sort of transplant done to the onmyouji.     "Why would you just leave, though?" Kamui mused out loud, looking up at Subaru, trying to catch his gaze without success. "If you just wanted to go after…" He paused, trying to find a way to express himself without offending the older man. Then, "…after everything that happened, you could have just told us. We wouldn't have minded, you know. When you just left like that we were all worried." He fell quiet for a moment as he searched for words, looking away to the side.     "If you had just told us goodbye or something…" His voice trailed off as he realized how much like a whiny five-year-old he must have sounded.     Subaru put the cigarette to his lips again, inhaling deeply before looking up at the tree again. As he exhaled, Kamui turned his head to look up at the pink blossoms as well. He wanted to say something more, but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't sound as whiny and stupid as the things that had already been said.     "The cherry blossoms are pretty, aren't they," he said slowly, more to himself than to Subaru. "This tree looked a little pale earlier, but now it seems… I don't know. Happier than it was before."     He could hear Subaru let out a shaky breath and looked at the yin-yang master with a slight frown.     "Do you know what makes the petals pink?" the Sumeragi asked suddenly. Kamui shook his head, not having thought that the older man would say anything. "The flowers were originally as white as snow, but now, there are dead bodies buried underneath it. The flowers feed on the blood from the corpses and it turns them such a soft pink," he continued softly. If the teen didn't know better, he would say that Subaru had gotten a somewhat sad, nostalgic shade to his now mismatched eyes. He waited silently to see if the medium would say something else. Finally, "I suppose that's why… That's why they are called Sakurazukamori. They guard the dead bodies underneath the tree, and keep feeding it new ones. …to keep the cherry blossoms beautiful," he finished finally with something of a sigh.     Kamui looked back up at the tree again. Then something occurred to him. "But… Isn't the Sakurazukamori dea— err, I mean, gone?" he corrected himself, mentally cursing for nearly messing up. "Who… Um, looks after the cherry blossoms if he's not around to do it?"     Subaru lowered his head and dropped the remains of his cigarette, crushing it to the ground with his heel. He didn't say anything, just closed his eyes.     Kamui felt suddenly that he knew the answer, although he couldn't put it into words. The thin almost-smile on the other man's lips had Kamui widen his eyes, but he didn't comment.     "I didn't know until I was told," Subaru started slowly. "Seishirousan," his lips twitched slightly when he said the name, "his mother was the Sakurazukamori before him. She died." Kamui frowned, but didn't say anything. "Seishirousan killed her. …Because he was the person she loved the most." The teen bit his lower lip, deep down knowing what was coming, but didn't do, nor say anything to halt the onmyouji. "The Sakurazukamori always dies at the hand of the person they love the most."     "And that person becomes their successor," Kamui finished, not sure if he should have said anything. When the medium sighed quietly, he didn't quite understand why his heart felt as if it was breaking all over again.     "You didn't have to leave," Kamui said quietly, talking to himself, in his head turning over everything that had happened, all the new information he had gotten. Somehow he wasn't surprised at the conclusions drawn by his own thoughts. "Everybody leaves. When I care about people, they leave. When everything is over, and if all of us survive this, everyone will leave. Everyone has a place to return to, where there are people waiting for them." He looked up at Subaru again, about to say something more, when he saw the Sumeragi hold a hand over his eyes, his mouth drawn into a thin line.     "Subaru?" He put a hand on the other man's arm, a worried frown on his face.     "Everyone is not going to leave you, Kamui." The teen blinked up at him, feeling stupid. He felt as if maybe he shouldn't have spoken his thoughts out loud. He felt as if maybe he should come up with something to say to relieve the tension between them, but he really couldn't think of anything to say or do. So instead he stayed quiet, slowly closing his hand over Subaru's coat sleeve, afraid that if he let go, the onmyouji would leave. And even though he couldn't think of anything to say, he didn't want it to be even more months before he could meet the older man again, if he ever would meet Subaru again.     Subaru lowered his hand from his face and turned to face Kamui, looking into his lavender eyes, as if searching for something.     "Kamui," he said softly, "why didn't you want me to leave? What difference does it make?"     The teen looked away, chewing on his lower lip again in a nervous gesture he had picked up somewhere along the way, together with several other bad habits. Insomnia, to mention one, and biting on his nails, to name another.     "Because… Because you…" He tried to put his thoughts in order, but couldn't think of a good way to express himself. He had never needed to be good with words until now. Even though he supposed that Subaru's patient silence was supposed to be encouraging, it only made him feel stupider by the minute. Why could he never manage to tell people the things he wanted to say?     "I guess… I mean…" he began, uncertain. "It's because the others, they… They're really great people and everything, but… But they don't really understand," he finally settled with. Though he wasn't really sure what he meant, it was the only thing Kamui could think to say. He was quite certain that Subaru would just say something dismissive and leave, but instead he felt a hand on his shoulder.     "What is it they don't understand?"     "They…" He fumbled for words and let his hand drop from where it had been clutching at Subaru's sleeve, reaching up to push hair out of his own face. "What it feels like. All of this." Clenching his hand about the long forgotten onigiri, he said in a near whisper, "To lose everything like that."     As he blinked away tears, he felt the hand on his shoulder tighten just so. "Have you given them a chance to understand?"     Kamui looked up at Subaru, surprised, not having expected to hear something like that. There was something in the normally dull eyes, making the green in the left one seem more vibrant than usual, but he couldn't place it. Somewhere deep down he doubted he knew what to call it even if he would be able to place it.     "I…" He let his gaze drop again, not knowing what to say, although he knew what the medium meant.     "Kamui, sometimes you have to meet people half-way. If they don't know what is wrong, how can they help you?" Then, the Sumeragi's voice dropped as he lowered his head slightly, hair falling into his eyes. "Don't make the mistake of believing that no one can help you. If you do, it will automatically be true. And no matter how much you might think so, you are not alone in this. There are people around you who care about you."     Kamui frowned. "But what about you?"     "I'm…" He looked away, taking his hand back. Stepping closer to the tree, he looked up into the branches, watching as they seemed to bend gently downwards. Kamui watched him quietly, trying to be patient, when all he really wanted was to grab Subaru and drag him back to the CLAMP school campus.     "I have faith in you," the onmyouji said finally. He nodded slowly up at the pink cherry blossoms, as if agreeing with something they had said. "You'll do just fine. …I know you will." Kamui wanted to protest, but the words got stuck in his throat. His mouth worked, opening and closing over and over, but nothing came out.     Subaru lit another cigarette, taking several long drags on it, still watching the web of branches above him. A few petals fell slowly, swirling gently to the ground. The medium flicked ashes to the wind before he turned again, walking away. The teen reached out for him, but his legs wouldn't work for him. A rush of sudden panic swept over him as he realized that this time, the other man was really walking away.     "Wait. Subaru." He was surprised that he had managed to say anything at all. The Sumeragi didn't stop, didn't even hesitate in his next step. "Wait! Please, please stay! …Don't go, please…" He knew he was begging, but he didn't care right then. His legs still didn't obey him, so he let the words spilling out of his mouth keep coming. "Please don't leave… Everybody leaves…" There was that irritating stinging at the backs of his eyelids again. He tried to blink it away. "…I don't want to be all alone…"     At least that made Subaru stop. Kamui mentally kicked himself when he felt a tiny sense of hope well up inside him. He told himself that he should know better, but at the same time, he couldn't help himself.     "I believe that you can do this," the onmyouji said, not turning around as he exhaled smoke into the shadows cast by the cherry tree. "But that is all I can do for you, Kamui."     Kamui didn't know if that was true or if Subaru was just trying to be kind to him. Lately, he had had such trouble telling when people were honest or throwing lies in his face. But it didn't matter to him if what the medium said was true or not; he just wanted the older man to stay.     "Will you come back?" the teen tried carefully. "If I do all this, if I get through all this, can I see you again?"     "When you get through all that has been asked of you to do, you won't _need_ to see me again."     "But can I?"     He saw Subaru lower his head. He felt a little sick as he realized that he was probably pushing his luck and that maybe he should just leave it alone. If the Sumeragi didn't want to have anything more to do with him, he had no right to force him.     "Yes," the yin-yang master said softly after a long moment of consideration. "When that day comes, you can see me again."     Kamui felt his heart leap in his chest, though he wasn't really sure why. "Then I will do this," he said. "I will bring Fuuma back, and we'll come see you." He felt his resolve building with the sudden sense that maybe he could really do what everyone was counting on him to do, that maybe everything would work out in the end, that maybe everything would be all right.     Subaru nodded, seemingly more to himself than anything else. He took up walking again.     "Goodbye, Kamui."     And then he was gone, as if the dark shadows had swallowed him. But Kamui didn't care. He was sure that he would manage, now that he had a clearer goal to reach for, a less abstract reason to see everything through. With the still strong resolve firmly in his mind, he headed back towards Ueno Station and the campus grounds, thinking that for once, maybe he could sleep well.   
  
It would be days before he realized what those last few words had meant. Looking out the classroom's windows, he gazed up at the clouds.     "Not yet," he mumbled to himself.     No, the time for farewells was long coming. He could feel it in the depth of his being. When everything was over, he would see his friends again.     All of them.   
  


_**~finis~**_

  


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...Um, okay. So, let me know what you think? I miss Tokyo so much...!! I miss falling asleep on the subway, or walking to Asakusa temple to think when it was dark out, or just going round the corner and buy canned coffee and something like CanCam at Lawson's... And playing Taiko! Arrg! Oh, maybe I should mention that I'm one of the people who think that yeah, there's something going on between Kamui and Subaru, but really, in the end I think it's pretty much one-sided, and that Subaru's too hung up on Seishirou... And who wouldn't be? I mean, come on... ^^* And if Subaru's explanation of why the cherry blossoms are pink seem familiar, I took it from what Seishirou tells Subaru in Tokyo Babylon.   
  
But anyway, let me know what you think and if I should just stick to Weiß and YnM... -_-;; Feedback is always appreciated; flames is a waste of your time (hey, I won't even bother to read them, so...).   
  



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